Last night, I needed a friend, but I was too stubborn/proud/self-sufficient to ask for one. She came over anyway. Sharing my burden with her lightened my load more than I ever could have imagined. I thought talking to my family and friends on the phone was enough support; it wasn’t. She walked in (wearing PJs!) and the sympathetic, compassionate look she gave me had me bursting into tears on sight. I needed that, and a hug, and the presence of another powerful, sensitive, caring female who understood the hurt, pain, and resilience of the moment.
A few themes have come up a lot recently in my life, both for me personally and with other people. Space is one of them, as I noted on DailyHap here. We need space: we need physical, mental, and emotional space, we need time to pass as space, and we need open hearts as space. Some of the things that create that space are vulnerability, asking for help, being forthcoming with the truth. I just recommended to a friend that she listen to Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability, because it is within vulnerability that our greatest strength and connection lies. Speaking what’s true for you is one of the most simultaneously vulnerable and powerful things you can do. But when you’re doing it, being truthful and being vulnerable, it feels scary, dark, and alone.
The irony is, of course, that when you embrace the vulnerability (your friend comes over), nothing you were scared of—looking weak, crying, losing respect—comes true. In fact, the opposite does: in facing the fear you find courage and strength, in darkness and tears you find growth, and by being open you build respect and trust for yourself and by others. Beyond that, your commitment to speaking the truth creates a deep, profound inner peace that even in your saddest, darkest moments holds strong.
So. I write this as a thank you to that friend, and the many others who support me. I write this as a reminder to myself of the importance of being open, of asking for help, and of relying on friends. I write this to be forthcoming, to be honest with myself and the world, and to be vulnerable.
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